Chapter 32: The Place Where “Life’s Breath”
Resides
October 24, 2012
How did 23 days manage to pass since I last journaled
about my enlightenment journey? It feels
like years and I only hope this chapter can bridge the gap. I am not able to attend classes at my beloved
Tai Chi school right now, as I am still battling a “drug resistant” infection
in my sinus’s, making me extremely vulnerable to any germ another student might
be harboring, and, maybe doesn’t even know it; maybe they will never even develop
symptoms.
Since Shifu came to my home I haven’t really
been diligent about doing my Tai Chi exercises as it loses something without
the comradery and studio environment. Sounds
like an excuse, doesn’t it? I agree; it
is. Today, I am making a promise to
myself and to you, my dear readers, to change that. How can one make excuses to not do something that feels so
wonderful and is such a rejuvenator?
Practicing alone, in my family room, with the wonderful Tai Chi music of
Thomas Walker, and with Shifu’s DVD silently guiding me through Tai Gong
exercises is, what I make it. Today, I
pledge to make it as much of a discipline as getting in my car and driving to
class once was.
Two weeks ago I had a doctor’s appointment in
the city, which takes me right along the route to the school. I wasn’t feeling great, as I had just seen
the ENT and had my nose and throat scoped (never fun when there is infection
present), but I knew I had about an hour before the local anesthesia wore off
and the real pain started. I had to do
it. I had to do this just for me. I exited I-85 at Pleasant Hill Road and drove
to Shaolin Institute. It didn’t matter
to me who was there, or not there. It
only mattered that I go there, and I didn’t even understand why.
I entered the school and, to my delight, the
lobby was buzzing with activity. Sarah
was there; Scott was there; a new girl was training on the computer system with
Sarah, and Shifu was there. From the
moment I entered the school I felt its embrace.
I know that sounds corny, but if you have a “special place” in your home
or out in nature, you know what I mean.
There is no place like it and no feeling more comforting – I was
home!
I was greeted with enthusiasm and hugs, as I announced
that I had to come to get my dose of “life’s breath” from the only place I knew could deliver
it. We didn’t really discuss my health
and I was glad of that, other than to say that I still could not attend classes
and it would probably a while before I could.
Sarah and I talked about some school projects she needed some assistance
with. I was overjoyed to hear it, as
these simple writing or phone tasks make me feel useful, and like I am a
contributing member of society, albeit from my bubble.
Shifu directed me to the studio saying he
wanted to give me a chi treatment. You
know how certain smells ignite memories of treasured places, like your kindergarten
room, the stable where you took horseback riding lessons, or your now grown
child’s nursery? Well the wonderfully,
clean and wood-like aroma (coming from the hardwood floor) propelled me back in
time to the day I first came into the studio. This is where life’s breath abides, but only in the presence of
Shifu. The studio is filled with his chi and it lights up like 1000 fluorescent
bulbs in his presence. It warms you like nothing else you’ve ever experienced.
From the moment I entered it, I felt more vital
than I had in weeks. I was worried that
I wouldn’t be able to do some of the movements he wanted me to, as I was ordered
by my ENT not to bend over or assume
any position that would increase pressure or blood flow to my head, as the only
thing that stood between me and another sinus hemorrhage was a blood clot in
the posterior sinus that we were praying would hold until the hole could heal. I did not tell Shifu this, I just decided
that if it became too much for me, then I
would tell him. I was able to perform
the exercises and he did a chi treatment that, for the first time all day,
stopped the insane tremors and anxiety I had been experiencing from the time I
woke up, due to steroid withdrawal. When
we were finished, I was so relaxed and de-stressed that all I wanted to do was
go to sleep and I told Shifu that.
So my message to you, dear readers, is this: if
you don’t have a place that does this for you, find one. Explore the whole world looking for it. Take those precious seconds, minutes, hours
you say you “don’t have” and make them “just for you”. The funny thing about the world is, when you
step out of it, whether it be for a few minutes or several days, or even years,
it finds a way to get along without you. In time you will yearn for and need those “just
for you” times, and that is a good
thing!
Now some of you are probably thinking, “Sure,
that’s easy for you to say, you don’t have a job, you don’t have a “boss”; you
don’t work outside the home.” To an
extent you are right, but I learned something most, if not all of you, haven’t
(yet) and let me share that secret with you; one day you are a healthy, active,
vital person, with well laid plans and goals.
Then you blink, and the next day you are fighting for your life, perhaps
for the duration of it, like me. Nobody
is immune to health crises. Critical
illness does not discriminate. And, if
you wait to find that “special place”, if you wait until, “you have the time”,
to take those “just for you” moments, if you continue to live your life like a
hamster on a wheel, you will never be living your life.
I am not “special”. I am not “wise”. I am not yet “enlightened”. I am simply journaling my life’s experiences
from the place it took me when I blinked.
No matter how challenging, make time now to live your life!
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